I feel like when I was 12 I was completely clueless. I really didn’t think about going to college then, and now I am working on my 3rd degree. I think my twelve year old self would be surprised to know this. She
My 12 year old self would just look at the old woman I am now and simply fix me a cup of tea and wonder where she could go to get some practice at jumps and spins on roller skates. She would complain about me not living near a beach.
Read an article this morning about how men are affected. As a woman, I feel for the women that have come forward, and I feel like it is a step in good direction. I can also see that there will be false allegations
In my personal life? No, not really. It has gotten me to be more conscious about what is and isn’t ok to say to people, but I was never one to say much to begin with. It may have helped for potential future interactions. I think there is a bit of “If I was in her position, I would love ‘A’, ‘B’, and ‘C'” but people fail to realize that they aren’t them and they may not like that. Some people are also ignorantly confident. Just so egotistical. It’s good to put a spotlight on that kind of issue. I think a lot people need to be taught and/or humbled in that regard. While I was quiet, I have had an ego similar to that before. My whole perspective on life changed though which led to gaining an understanding on the perspective of others and whatnot. When this movement started, it just made sense to me. You will obviously get those that will abuse it and lie or something, but those injustices I am willing to bet will not outweigh the injustices that have been happening to victims/survivors.
The movement has not affected me in any way. Each girl and woman reacts in her own way and has her own unique reactions. I get upset to know that some women will lie and then I feel the guy is the victim in that case.
As for myself, I was raped at 16 by a 16 year old boy. He beat me very savagely and I kept wishing he would stop beating me and strangling me. When the rape was happening, I kept thinking that it could feel good if he stopped choking me. After he was done, he got up and straightened his clothing. He went back to the skate floor and raced around the roller rink ignoring me. It was like he did not think he did anything wrong. I put my clothing back on and called my Mom to come take me home. Instead, she sent the man I wanted to marry in 2 years. He was Lowell Henry. He came to pick me up from the roller rink. I told him I was raped by my dancing partner. He told me that I was ruined now. I was no longer virgin — so, he no longer wanted to marry me. THAT was the thing that hurt me worse than the rape itself. Lowell Henry made me feel dirty, ruined, and ashamed. He said that no man would want me and I am ruined.
Somehow, in those days following the rape, I put myself back together. I accepted that I was now ruined as a fact. I was not good enough. Lowell Henry married someone else. I was heartbroken. I reacted by trying to pretend it did not hurt me and I was a big girl —- heal the wound —- hide the scar. I held my hurt feelings inside and soon my dance partner became my best friend and I became sexually active with him and with other boys. I became callused and hardened. I was a mess inside and did not know it. I had one bad relationship after another.
I was 40 years old when I became aware that I was a good woman. I had raised 5 children (only 2 were my own). I had lived a good life and I was a business woman. I faced Lowell Henry and proclaimed myself to be the perfect woman to be his 3rd wife and the stepmother for his 2 sons. He agreed and we got married when I was 45 and he was 51. I made my life worthy and whole again. I was a good stepmother to his sons. I took care of him right up to his death.
The “me too” movement did not affect me, but I feel that each victim has to find their own way out of the dark place that puts us in. My dark place was feeling ruined and not worthy.
In my strength as a grown woman, I had a chance to see the rapist be executed. I watched him die. I had his body cremated and I dumped the bag of his ashes in the sea. I got my closure. I went back to Lowell Henry and married him again. I healed all of my issues. I became confident and worthy.
In my life, in my victim-hood, what Lowell Henry did and said to me had cut me deeper and hurt for longer than the battering rape did. So, I listen to a rape victim’s story and I am very careful with my words. Words can hurt. I watch and listen as she works out her own feelings. She has to know that she has the strength to overcome what was done to her.
I feel like it get started with a bid and a response to that bid. A bid is a question, a look, a touch, a request, a statement, or anything that says I want to connect with you, but what is it that keeps it going? what makes some friendships or relationships flourish while others wither and depart? I think it could have to do with the emotional energy invested in this bidding process.
Others almost always have to initiate. My oldest friendship started with them asking if I wanted to play with some Tonka trucks. My only romantic relationship started by her sending me a message on Myspace and she ended up kissing me first. I think this kind of connects to that other feeling I have with people. I don’t often ask people questions. I just figure if they want me to know they will tell me. I don’t initiate much of anything…
@Scarlett2 I think part of me fears potential acceptance. I can be a bit picky with who I am happy to hang out with. I can tolerate some people that I am not happy to be around. I fear that if I try to connect first that I may come to regret that decision. When it comes to relationships, I just feel like it is better I be alone. I’ve come to realize that I’m such a self centered person, even if I don’t mean to be. I’d just rather not do that to someone. I’m not someone to try and force someone away, but I also don’t want to cause misery based on my initiation.
I tend to fall in place beside them and they respond. They have needs and I fill the needs. If it doesn’t work, I walk away. I am not a bad ex-girlfriend. I disappear in his life. I fade into the traffic around him and I am gone to him.
I don’t waste my time, energy, or effort being a bitch. It is not worth it. I clear my life and prepare to be a clean slate for the next relationship. Mr. Right won’t give you a second look, if you are still being bitchy over the Mr. Wrong that got away. Let go and get on with life. Your next relationship will find you while you are living your life as a happy and whole being.
So, a friend said he was perfect for me. I did not talk to him on Soul Pancake. The friend wanted us to meet. I avoided him. Then I answered him and he asked me for my phone number. I knew that giving him my phone number would result in him calling me in 2 weeks. That is the way guys are. They wait 2 weeks while you forget who they are. —– I gave him my phone number and he called me immediately. He asked me if I like sushi. Yes, I do! He lived 368 miles away!!! But, he called me everyday and played the banjo — and sang to me. He asked me to buy his house, which is a pretty odd request. He was such a fun person over the phone. He just fell into my life calling me every day. I had to meet him. He was working and I was retired. He had a house full of dogs and cats. I had a renter to take care of my cats. I felt he was worth the 368 mile drive to meet him. He was clever and interesting. He needed someone to help take care of the house. I fell in beside him and became the partner he needed. He was the partner I wanted. He was fun, interesting, and we get along. My life blended into his and his into mine. It works!!! So, I bought into half of the share of his house. Now we own together. I sold my California house and moved here. We balance each other. We just fell in beside each other. We met one another’s needs. Now, he was able to retire without worry about bills and we got the mortgage paid off. Now, life is fun for both of us. We may not get married. He is single and I am single. We are together because we choose to be together.
Reading about authoritarianism and conventionalism, and conventionalism involving the belief, and strong commitment and to traditional societal norms. People who believe in authoritarianism and conventionalism
I can think of quite a few such as women are subservient, premarital sex is wrong, keep holy the sabbath, children should be seen and not heard etc. etc. However, I feel like I haven’t thought hard about many others that have been bandied about. I have just accepted them.
I think that living within the laws of the land makes life calm, peaceful, and orderly. If the laws change, I change. However, California laws changed to a point where it caused my life to be chaos. Homeless people living in tent cities all along the river beds. Homeless people going to the bathroom on my lawn and using my garden hose for their water supply. Illegal aliens were breaking into houses and causing trouble all over the cities. Crime was skyrocketing and no law abiding citizen was safe anymore. Trash is filling the streets along with human feces and the smell of urine is overpowering on a hot day. I am a person who abides by the laws, but laws were being twisted in California. I bought a gun to protect myself.
I took my gun for target practice in Arizona, then found out the laws changed and I was no longer able to bring my gun back into California. It had to stay in Arizona. In a nearby city (Compton), wearing red will get you shot at. I had nothing to protect myself. California is not a place where I want to live. It is becoming lawless, where criminals brandish guns and get what they want and the gun laws for the law abiding citizens leave them helpless to defend themselves.
I moved to Arizona. We don’t cater to illegals, or homeless. The homeless cannot survive outside in the 112 to 124 degree heat. Everyone can carry a gun and crime is much less. I believe in following laws that protect the citizens.
I believe in keeping sex within the relationship. I believe in paying taxes and abiding by the laws and rules. I respect the police. I rejoice when ICE captures illegals and gets them out of my city. I like life to be orderly and peaceful.
I believe that any cat that comes to my door hungry should be fed. The cat populations on the street keeps the pigeon population down. But a cat that cannot hunt well should be helped.