I am much more happy and grateful to be alive now. I think I have realized my mortality, and care more to stay alive than before.




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  1. griz 8 months ago

    I had my morality wake-up call when I was about 11 and allegedly died on the operating table, and then had to fight for several weeks through terrible odds.

    The net effect seems to be frequent return to a mindset where every day and everyone is a gift.

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    • immortal_pirate 8 months ago

      @griz (hands you the letter “t”.) I think you lost this…[my morality wake-up]…lol

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    • Author
      Scarlett 8 months ago

      @griz that is sort of what I realized when I got older, and my mortality became more apparent to me.

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      • griz 8 months ago

        @Scarlett
        My faith has an interesting effect on my awareness of my mortality. It allowed me to “safely” explore aspects of my existence relating to life and death, with the urgency removed. I think this ties into the joy of the moment, purpose greater than just self, and the peace with whatever will be.

        It’s like there’s a promise of a path where I can have the most meaning and impact, and where the timing will always be right. And should I feel I’ve screwed that up with a foolish step, a new path opens up where I can have the most meaning and impact from that point forward.

        Or maybe the “misstep” was an essential step for be to become who it is I need to be today to be the best I can be?

        Life, the adventure, seems to grow sweeter with age. “Less time” is balanced off with “more experience” in seeing the possibilities, and stepping more boldly into them perhaps?

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  2. immortal_pirate 8 months ago

    My age…lol
    Things I find important to me are relatively stable and have been for centuries. Keeping the wolf away from the door, (more a figure of speech today than it was in years past), but I think you get my meaning. Another year has come and gone, but why should I count them or feel the need to? 258,000+ and probably closer to 259,000 years…I’ve about given up on ever seeing a rescue from this rock. Perhaps that is the only “change” that has come with age.

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    • griz 8 months ago

      @immortal_pirate
      A good cheese gets sharper with age.

      A good scotch gets more mellow.

      Discernment is still pending on whether you’re more a spirit, or a cheesy mass! :rolf:

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  3. Yin 8 months ago

    Things became more meaningless. I think that unfortunately has hurt some connections I had with people. Like, in general, I feel the connections just become super thin. It is like my feelings overall have dwindled. I love my family and friends, but I just don’t really feel it anymore, you know? Sometimes, I’m almost morbid enough to feel as though maybe I should have just died (or stay dead) when I went into shock from an allergic reaction, but that also would hurt family and friends and would have been terrible. Overall, I am losing the value in myself but remain aware of the value I have with others.

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    • Author
      Scarlett 8 months ago

      @Yin one person could read this and think it is depression, and another person could read and find enlightenment.

      Sometimes I wish I could do what you describe, love but not feel it.

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      • Yin 8 months ago

        @Scarlett It has it perks, like not feeling as much pain about some situations as you normally would. It just sucks that genuine and common connections don’t usually form normally. Like, do you miss people? I hear so often about people missing others when they are even just gone on a trip. Me, I don’t visit some people as often as I should because I just don’t have that feeling even though I do love them a lot. I feel bad because I know they feel differently, but it just doesn’t get to me like that. It makes me selfish. Maybe I am just in my own head so much that I’ve just shut everyone else out.

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    • griz 8 months ago

      @Yin
      I wonder if there comes a point where enough people value us as a person that we should consider there is perhaps something there for us to learn to value?

      There’s always a “selfish” aspect. For example, I find you can say some very valuable and thought-provoking things. They help me as I look for the deeper meaning in . . . well . . . everything!
      But then there’s also the inevitable bond this forms where we can actually start caring about someone and wishing them all the best.
      And missing them when they’re not there.

      There is no doubt that “the feelings” can be messy. I see them as part of the “burden” we carry for those we care for. It’s the balance where we “give” something in exchange for what we “take”.
      I think it keeps us from becoming ghouls who just take without giving back.

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  4. ladybarbara 8 months ago

    At 71, I realize the good days are numbered. I value the people in my life even more than in years past. I, too, had a run-in with death on an operating table in 1983 and it left me cherishing life all the more.

    When I was young, I wanted things done my way and bossed others around to have things done my way. If I wanted something done right, I did it myself. Now, with age and maturity, I realize everyone has their own way of doing things and they do quite well without my input. Oh, I still want my towels and bed sheets folded a certain way and I refold what doesn’t look good in the stack. Immortal Pirate tries to get me to fold t-shirts differently, but I won’t stop doing the classic fold. I leave other people’s clutter alone. If they want it cleaned and straightened they will do it themselves — eventually.

    When I was younger, everything had to be done right now. My oldest son tried to break me of that about 40 years ago. He was working on a school project and asked me to help him. I wanted to wash a few windows first. Then he said, “When I am all grown up I won’t remember if the windows were clean, but I will remember that I wanted help on this, and you thought the windows were more important than helping me.” My son was only 10 years old, but full of wisdom.

    Now, things get put off until they need to be done. Things can wait and they don’t have to be all that perfect. I once had a friend who never made his bed. Sheets and covers were always left in a wad. When he died, his family looked at his bed and said, “He did not make his bed this morning.” Perhaps, for 40 years he did not make his bed and it was only noticed once, after he died.

    Life is to be enjoyed.

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    • Author
      Scarlett 8 months ago

      @ladybarbara In another way, I know what you mean by feeling like everything has to be done now. For me, it feels like time running out, and if I am going to do something, to do it now. No promises of a tomorrow.

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    • griz 8 months ago

      @ladybarbara
      An interesting though on the messy bed. It perhaps became the needed (even cherished?) distraction from the negative thoughts of the family dealing with their loss.

      When we’re grieving the emotions are often too heavy to bear and we look for external things to help us carry the weight for a time (in healthy grieving. In toxic grieving the “external thing” takes on an obsessive life of its own — because if it falls, all those negative feelings have nowhere to go but to flood back into us)

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      • ladybarbara 8 months ago

        @griz I pictured my own reaction to my friend’s death. He was gay and his family did not know. My first action was to go into his bedroom and gather up all of his sex toys and odd clothing, put them in a box and throw them in a dumpster far away. When I returned to our house, his family was there. No one shared his secret sex life. His family would have been shocked.

        However, that experience made me think about my own life and who would go through my possessions after my death. What, in an untimely death, would go undone, and have to be completed by someone else? I have Immortal Pirate and I keep no secrets from him.

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      • griz 8 months ago

        @ladybarbara
        My past left me with a residual dark side that shows up when I’m not paying proper attention. I don’t know if anyone going through my things would find any of it. I keep it pretty well buried.

        As for your friend, I think you did a good thing. He obviously worked hard to keep it a secret from his family. For whatever reason really doesn’t matter. I think you honored his memory and didn’t needlessly complicate the family’s grieving.

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  5. five2one 8 months ago

    These are probably the best of times, but then, probably, it is always the best of times.

    It can just be hard to tell, at the time.

    I do feel twinges of nostalgia, for instance, in seeing myself at various times in my past, but I was never anywhere like I am now.

    I did have good times, times which were better then other times. But, often, the best times, were at the least, encircled by bad times.

    The times of respite from the bad times, do seem like the best of times, however. And it is hard to argue otherwise. Just as feasting after going starving is better then an everyday meal.

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