• With respect to religious beliefs, they are my freedom – that is, they are the thing that makes me feel free.

    But yeah, I think some folks in my family have some (non-religious) beliefs about what family is supposed to be and I feel a little trapped in them right now, because they just won’t have it when it comes to me having a different…[Read more]

  • @Spitfire3dC Thanks for sharing. As a matter of fact, the whole reason I posted this thread was because I have a very similar situation, where for my own health and well-being I want to distance myself from my sibling, and the whole rest of my family just won’t have that. I don’t understand why. So I just wanted to know how everyone else was with…[Read more]

  • @ladybarbara Good grief! Sounds like your family had a bit of a rat’s nest of troubles.

    So let me get this straight: your grandmother married your father? Why, though? Did she not know about his affair with your mother? What happened when she found out?

    Why was your mother having so many kids, given her condition? I get that she was probably…[Read more]

  • Do you visit each other regularly?
    How often do you talk on the phone?
    How often do you email each other?
    Would you say there are friends in your life that are much closer to you?
    How many do you have?
    Do

    • At present i live with him… Though don’t always see eye to eye on his shenanigans

    • It is complicated. I was born to a very retarded woman and one of her sisters took me home to raise me, but never adopted me. So, my Aunt is the person I call Mom. My birth mother had other children and –sadly– they were given away to other parents, as if they were puppies. My birth mother was unable to raise any of her children because she never advanced mentally further than 2 years old. Then, my birth father was being a womanizer all over our neighborhood and impregnated SEVERAL women during the same year. My Grandma married the womanizing jerk. Being that he was now married to my Grandma, he was my Grandfather and my father.

      My birth mother finally married a man who thought that she could raise their child, but she kept him in a big cardboard box — like a puppy — in his own filth. He was brought up like an animal. At school age, he would not stay at school and hid under their house. When his father died, he stayed permanently UNDER the house in the dirty crawl space. That is how he lived until he was about 19 in 1980, when I took over my birth mother’s care after my Grandma died. I sold her house and put her in a Care facility. My brother, Freddy, was above 18 and set out into the world to live on his own. He married and moved to Pason, Arizona, where he has a house of his own that he now lives under. He had a wife, but she got tired of his living like a mole under their house and she left him.

      Back to when I was a school aged child. —– My Aunt had a son. Although he was really my cousin, I called him my brother. My brother took care of me while Mom went to work. When it was obvious that my brother was not taking good care of me, she hired a 14 year old boy to be my babysitter. Brother and I don’t get along very well because he keeps saying that he is Mom’s only child and I am the child of the family idiot. Now, that Mom is nearly 100 years old and about to die, my brother has taken over her finances and care — and tells me that I am nothing to Mom and he is her only child. He and I cannot get along. Every time I visit him, he thinks that I am trying to get close to him to get Mom’s money, which I am not. He points out that I have other brothers that I could call brother.

      Then, in elementary school —-other children in my same age group and school classes were finding out that they were adopted and that I was their sister. It unnerved me!!! My family was worried that I would one day fall in love with one of my classmates and find out that I am dating my brother. So, I stayed clear of all of my classmates. Then, one day at the high school cafeteria, I heard my voice and my laugh coming from the girl that other kids said she looked like me. Her name was Ragina. Gina and I were truly sisters. We had the same mother and her father was my father’s brother. Gina and I were close after that, but she died in the year 2001. Her boyfriend insisted that she be thin and she took it too far and dieted until she was skeletal and she died of a heart attack.

      The other sorted brothers and sisters that I went to school with have turned up now and then. A man who looked much like me would ask me, “Do you know who I am?” and I would say, “I believe your name is on your driver’s license.” and I would walk away, not wanting to know him.

      Then there is Rosie. Rosie looks so much like me that my Aunt Kathrine gets us mixed up. If I have Rosie anywhere around me, she causes trouble in my life. She used to call my boy friends and break up with them and say things that would make them never want to talk to me again. She did that because she thought it was funny that our voices are the same. I avoided her like poison!!! Lately, a few years ago, I wanted to buy a house in Arizona, but Rosie ruined the deal. It was my Aunt Katherine’s house. I wanted the house so that I could live near Immortal Pirate. I would have kept the house. Rosie told Aunt Katherine that she wanted the house to resell it at a profit. Aunt Katherine thought that I said that and she got angry at me and would not sell me the house. Damn Rosie!!!! I won’t let her near me now. She would do something to hurt my relationship with Immortal Pirate. As soon as I found out that Rosie was dying her hair the same color of red, I stopped dying my hair. I want to be as different from Rosie as I can be.

      • @ladybarbara Good grief! Sounds like your family had a bit of a rat’s nest of troubles.

        So let me get this straight: your grandmother married your father? Why, though? Did she not know about his affair with your mother? What happened when she found out?

        Why was your mother having so many kids, given her condition? I get that she was probably easily taken advantage of but I’m surprised she was able to marry.

        Well at least you had one good sister out of the whole deal!

        You could use a password to mastermind your way around Rosie, and wear something like a bracelet that identifies you as you. On the phone, if something seems suspicious, Immortal Pirate could ask for the password.

        I’ve probably said this before, but you could write a fascinating autobiography.

        • @Georockstar09 My family jacket has long sleeves that tie together in the back.

          My Grandma was a kind lady that loved everyone. If someone was being “naughty”, she figured that they had an empty-place they needed to fill with love — self love and being loved. My Grandpa/father was a man that was full of himself. He was handsome in a John Wayne look-alike way. But he was looking for love with every girl in town and my Grandma settled him down. He stopped his shenanigans and became a good Grandpa to about 30 grandkids. You would think such a rascal would have molested us girls, but there were no complaints. I was his favorite (because I was his daughter) and he was never out-of-line with me. Even though Grandma was an old woman, older than her handsome husband, she was a passionate (over sexed) woman. She tamed him. He said that she was the best at all she did —– in the kitchen and in the bed.

          My birth mother was like the neighborhood idiot that was a push-over for boys and men to mistreat and Grandma could not keep her in the yard. She spread her legs every chance she got. She was pretty, but she was unable to reason or think well. She was like a 2 year old that would not listen. My Birth father took advantage of the retarded woman before he even met her mother (my Grandma). My birth father/ Grandpa was from France and he was wooing every woman in the neighborhood. He was very French and he was a novelty to all the women. He got about 20 women pregnant, all at one time, and all living in the same neighborhood. (These kids went to school with me). I don’t know what Grandma did to make him stop, but he did stop and she married him ——- perhaps so he could get citizenship.

          As a kid, I ran with a rather odd neighborhood group of kids. There were 30 of us kids in the gang, but about 20 of us looked like we could be siblings —– and we were.

          When my birth mother was in her 40’s, a friend and neighbor realized that Grandma was way up in age and if she died, her daughter would need someone to take over and care for the aging retarded woman. My father/Grandpa died of old age at Grandma’s. My birth mother could sweep and wash dishes and learn to run the vacuum cleaner. The man thought that a wife didn’t need much more skills than that. They had a son, but she kept putting the baby in a cardboard box. Her reasoning was — all of the babies she had given birth to had been taken from her and placed in cardboard boxes as cradles and given to any parents who wanted a child. My birth mother had hope that Freddy would go away, if she put him in a box. She was that simple minded. When Freddy was 5, his father died of a heart attack. Freddy started living in the crawl space under the house and coming to Grandma’s house for food. Freddy was like the artful dodger around the neighborhood. He stole things and was an uneducated pest. He considered our birth mother as a retard that did not matter in this world.

          In 1980, Grandma died and I took over the care of my birth mother. After she tore up my sprinkler system (because it kept squirting water on things in the yard and that annoyed her), and broke every window in my house, I had her put in a convalescent care facility. She lived there until she died in 2007. She never had a concept of me being her daughter. That was not important that she recognize me. It was only important that I visited and took care of all her needs. The last time I saw Freddy, he was about 40 years old. He lived in Arizona and his wife had just left him. Our birth mother was on her death bed and I asked Freddy for help having her cremated after she died. He was not going to help and that was the last I saw of him. He lives in Pason, AZ and all the towns people know him. He used to run a bus service to and from Phoenix.

          Being that Immortal Pirate and I share a life, a house, a bed, and we are always together, I don’t think Rosie could fool him much. It is just that she enjoys making trouble for me. She is about 5 years older than I am. She sticks around Fountain Valley, CA and she is getting old. She sticks around my Aunt Katherine and I don’t visit Aunt Katherine anymore —- because I moved to Arizona. All of Grandma’s children have died, except my Aunt Katherine and the Aunt who raised me (who I call Mom). All of us grandkids and great grandkids, and great great grandkids —- all the generations —- we stay in touch via facebook.

    • I have two brothers and two sisters. Aside from the birthday wishes on Facebook, I haven’t talked to them in, I think, years. There are no bad feelings there that I know of, we just have nothing in common. I have friends that I am closer to that don’t even live in my state. To be fair, that is basically me with my whole family. I just don’t have anything in common with them. It is hard to connect.

    • i grew up with 2 siblings, and have 3 others who are ‘half siblings”. they were the delight and novelty of my life when i was a little girl. they came for visits some times. were so Cool and Older. we were out of touch for nearly 2 decades, and some of us are trying to reconnect. but all that missed space and time! we love each other. i know that. but we are different. and dont see each other as much as we Could? the two full sibs who i grew up with, we spread far and wide when our parent passed on. in our hearts we are very close. but we are all grown up and living lives that dont bring us together more than once a year. there is a lot of travel involved. i wish it were more often. now we all are parents we are making more attempts. thanks be to skype at least we know what each others faces look like on a regular basis!

      some of us are closer when we are distant. like, my closest sibling in relationship lives half way across the country. a sister.sometimes we talk daily. we definitely text through out the day. snippets of our days. we skype. we talk. but in person we are like the theory that the same person cant be in the same space twice. we are like itchy cats and no one will sit between us :D

      other siblings, who live closer, we didnt grow up together. we dont have that bond. but we see each other during holidays. our life styles are different. i think if we could get past that, we would realize we have similar hearts. i wish we were friends. i wish we talked more. but we dont seem to be able to get together. i guess i could make more effort to fit into their choices and schedules. but i guess im not bothered enough? i dont know.

      id like to get to a point where i feel like we respect each other for our differences and love each other for the blood we share?

    • I have two sisters and three brothers. I do not have that much of a relationship with them. I live at least two hours away from all of them. We do not have much in common. We do not enjoy doing or talking about the same things. I see them mostly on holidays. I am not averse to seeing them more, but life is busy and stressful, and I barely have the energy for the people that are closest in my life. There is also work and school to contend with.
      At any rate, I think its okay to see family what feels comfortable to you. There are times when family is not emotionally healthy and so you have to limit your contact to maintain your own wellbeing, and thats okay!

    • I have two sisters and two brothers.

      My oldest sister is incredibly confident and assertive, with pretty well no reason to be. I have learned to just let her say her piece by applying mock Kevlar to my forehead and maintaining avoidance awareness of the potential ricochets.

      My next oldest sister tries her best but is just in a cocoon of her choosing that is right for her. We are left to make the effort to connect and we do.

      My two younger brothers basically don’t exist. I have been there when they have needed me, but they have never reciprocated in any way. One is just a userous SOB that seems to go by the credo, if you are stupid enough to lend him money, you are too stupid to paid back (his own mother included) and the other expressed a form of disrespect that I gave him three opportunities to resolve. Three strikes. Buh-bye. I do miss that relationship, but fuck it. Move on to where you get the best return on investment.

      I don’t go by blood is thicker than water. So is shit and I have no attachments to that either.

      I can attribute it to this. I have a person in my life who knows how to express love tangibly versus superficially. That becomes the bar.

      Siblingness, in my case, just doesn’t contribute anything of significant value to me. I wish it would, but I also refuse to let it make me feel unfortunate. I do not like to be within dysfunctionality, so I separate myself from it. Case closed.

      This was hard for me to write, because it makes me feel like a heartless prick, but I don’t like to lie to myself for the warm and fuzzies. I like to be aware of why I feel the way I do and then make conscious choices to be the person I prefer to be in the environments I want to be in. I’d rather be an honest prick than a fake one.

      • @Spitfire3dC Thanks for sharing. As a matter of fact, the whole reason I posted this thread was because I have a very similar situation, where for my own health and well-being I want to distance myself from my sibling, and the whole rest of my family just won’t have that. I don’t understand why. So I just wanted to know how everyone else was with their sibs, whether I was really being weird or not.

        • @Georockstar09 I also find it strange how family uses the premise of famlihood as the tie that binds, but rarely act beyond lip service…and then expect everybody to jump on board.

          That being said,,,sometimes, when the shit really hits the fan, they show up and its a nice blanket…kinda like convicts finding God in the slammer.

          I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules associated with family dynamics. Go with the flow and as long as your head is above water; you have a chance BUT…be honest with yourself and others and if they can’t hack the truth fu…dge ’em.

    • Pretty regularly
      Never because we’re millennials and we see each other fairly often anyway.
      Never because we’re millennials.
      That’s hard to say. I have friends that know things about me that my siblings don’t and vice versa.
      Older brother and younger sister
      We get along very well. Actually I’m seeing both of them on Saturday and I’m excited.

    • mj replied 1 week ago

      I am the eldest of 3. I work with my brother, if you want to call it that. His appearances are sporadic and I even if we work together, I don’t see him or talk to him much throughout our day. My sister, is just heading off to college. We have large age gaps between us, I think this contributes to our vast differences. We could tell the world that we were all adopted from different families and no one would question it. We’re that different. And by different I mean that they are weirdos and I am not. :rolf:

      We all have friends in our personal lives that we connect to more than one another. I don’t think either of us feel badly about that though. Because of our age differences, we pretty much all grew up as the “only child” during our younger years. That’s probably created the disconnection.

      We get along just fine though. There’s no awkwardness or hostility. But I suppose we could be closer. Perhaps when we’re older. At this point in my life, I’m settled down, my brother is still figuring things out, and my sister is beginning her journey into adulthood. In 5 years I’d say that we would have more in common and could probably work on being closer siblings.

    • I come from a large family. I’m close with some, and cool with others. The ones I’m close with I communicate with pretty much daily. The others weekly or monthly I’ll say. We don’t call each other usually, but I’m sure it’s them I’m texting with. Disagreements happen of course but we call each other out on stuff.

    • …only child. Gee,… does it show?

  • When I was growing up in Romania, I had a fruit orchard, and I’d basically just sit and eat. I also went up into the mountains where I could eat blackberries, wild strawberries, and collect mushrooms, again for free. But when we parcel off land and entitle ourselves to it, it is no longer free for others. My orchard was only for my family. Yet…[Read more]

  • @Fletch Oh wait, I just re-read it. The engineer, who is a “real patriot”, is holding on to the footage in order to blackmail Hillary Clinton with it to become rich. Begs the question, why would he mention its existence, and the thing she allegedly said in it, to the media??? :rolf:

  • It says right there they were FILMING!! Why post a written article? Where is that video?

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