• jaytee posted an update 3 years, 7 months ago

    You know I never really understood how to forgive someone. Weather if it’s forgiving your mother for hurting you or forgiving after a cheat. I always assumed that I forgave that person until today. Today I realize that all I have done to forgive it pushed it to the deepest and darkest parts of my brain where I thought I would never reach into again. As I sit here, I wonder why is this pain still in me? Why am I still hurting and saving all this anger inside of me. I never got answers to my questions. All I ever received is a surface line to get me through the call. Am I right to feel this way? He hasn’t done anything recently to make me feel insecure or concerned? Why is it that this thought is coming up again? Is it my womanly instincts? Or am I just over thinking. From an outsider looking in it might just seem like another story of a broken girl but the reality is I am far beyond that. I am independent, goal oriented, and continue to strive for the best but deep down inside I am weak when it comes to love. Have I been blind this entire time to not see the reality thats in front of me? Have I been so caught up in the idea of us being happy that I can’t see the truth? Oh, how I wonder what life would be without pain. Life wouldn’t be life! Life is like a roller coaster one minute you are flying down and the other you are turned upside down. I just don’t understand, I have been so caught up in the now that I have truly forgotten what I have always wanted. I need to step back and see what it is that I really want, what I need, and what I deserve.

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