• @ladybarbara Oh my, aint that the truth. When I think of what I was doing ten years ago and where I am now, wow. May your courtship be long lived and happy!

  • what was your shortest job and your longest job? Your shortest and longest relationship? is there value in staying power? Why or why not?

    • My shortest job (excluding chores) was like 4 hours of being a telemarketer.
      My longest job is the one with the entrepreneur i help, off and on for the last 16 years.

    • I usually stick with any job I take on. However, my shortest job was as a waitress at a Little Black Sambo’s Restaurant. I was only there a week when two guys sat on the same side of a booth. They asked for a refill on their coffee. As I reached the coffee pot across the outside guy, to pour coffee for the guy by the window, the outside guy grabbed my boobs!!! I reacted by pouring hot coffee in his lap. Of course, he complained and their meal was free —— free for them, but it came out of my pay. I paid for their meal and took off my apron and QUIT!!!

      My longest job was the one I created for myself. I cleaned houses and owned my own business —- Henry’s Housekeeping —- which became Henry’s Housekeeping and Uniformed Maid Service. I worked my own business for 27 years. I split the clients between each of my employees when I was ready to retire. They started their own house cleaning businesses.

      My longest relationship was with a boy I fell in love with as a child. I loved him for 50 years. We each married other people, until, in mid-life, we decided to marry. I knew and loved his first two wives, but they always complained about him drinking and smoking. I always told them that if he was my husband, I wouldn’t complain. So, after his two divorces, we married. Yes, he still drank and smoked, but now — I couldn’t complain. So, I loved him just as he was and our marriage lasted for 12 years. Then he died. I guess I wore him out. He died of bone cancer and cerroses of the liver from drinking.

      My first marriage lasted only 20 minutes and his mother tossed me out of her house. Although, she said she would have our marriage annulled, she couldn’t, because we had been over 18. But, I thought that marriage was over. It wasn’t, but I went on to marry again. My second marriage lasted 5 years, my third marriage lasted 8 years. My fourth marriage lasted 9 years. Then that last marriage that lasted 12 years was interrupted in the first year for me to take a break and realize that I was still married to my first husband —- the 20 minute marriage. He was on Death Row and being executed for being a murderer serial killer. I went to his execution and had him cremated and his ashes dumped at sea. Then, I went back to my last husband and we remarried — just to make sure we were really married. All in all, the 50 years that I loved my last husband was the longest relationship, even though we were married to other partners. I am exhausted after all these dramatic relationships. I am ready to settle down with Immortal Pirate. but I don’t expect he would ever want to marry a woman who has been married so many times. I think I am finished with the marriage carousel. It was like a three-ringed circus. I have been with Immortal Pirate for almost 8 years, but we have only lived together for 2 years. It is nice to find someone to settle down and grow old with.

    • Shortest job: Crewman aboard a star ship, which traveled at the speed of thought. We came from the Diffused Galaxy, escaping the ravages of a war that we could not win.
      Longest job: Mercenary soldier for hire in numerous conflicts throughout Earth’s history.
      Shortest relationship(s): Many one night stands which may have contributed to the populations of several small countries, too many to list in the allowed space on this venue, and too sordid to bore you with.
      Longest relationship: Probably the time I spent surviving in an ice cave with a female Yeti during the last major ice age. It was a strictly platonic relationship co-habitation situation.
      Is there value in staying power? Yes, Immortality has it’s perks…

    • I was a seasonal employee for decades so my shortest term job was . . . a season! But I almost always returned, making me a long-term seasonal employee. The only off-season job I didn’t return to was for a carpet-cleaning/sales firm where I had an alcoholic boss. Even that one I stuck out for the season.

      None of my personal relationships ended on my say-so. I’m not sure exactly who, but someone in my past taught me about commitment and grit. It was probably a conglomeration of people.
      The shortest relationship I had was just a few months. She was psychologically squirrelly and just disappeared without warning or explanation while I was away on a 2-day trip.
      She suddenly appeared 2 years later and tried to pick up where we left off. I had grown. She had stagnated or regressed .

      Staying power (grit) means that you are someone people can count on — and that’s a rare thing. And from the responses I get from people, a very valuable thing. I lot of possibilities open up when people know you will not dump them like yesterday’s garbage just because something seemingly better comes along.

      There is also a disturbing relationship to psychopathy and the need to constantly be flitting from commitment to commitment when people start to catch on to someone’s psychopathic tendencies.

  • under what circumstances, if any, should a business be able to refuse service to someone?

    • There are a few factors that allow someone to be refused service. Consider these four areas:
      1. Drunkenness
      2. Disorderly conduct
      3. Destruction of property
      4. Disagreement over “terms of service.”

    • A business should be able to refuse service for any reason they want.

      It’s a private business.

    • I don’t know of too many businesses that don’t reserve the right to ask any guest leave for any reason.

      But any business that does without good reason risks backlash.

      Some good reasons are
      -disorderly/disruptive/dangerous conduct
      -and with caution, religious beliefs. But this is a risky one. And there are identity authoritarians who will intentionally seek out a business they know has certain religious beliefs and ask them to do something contrary to them — and then sic the media and justice warrior hounds on them.

      • @griz an online/ software company’s terms of service are also important. Basically “don’t sue us.”

        • @Jear77
          There is a difference between protecting business, and protecting an ideology. Especially with mob bullying tactics. This is the disturbing trend that a lot of the identity politics people are getting into — trying to use their business as “a weapon” against perceived ideological “enemies”.

          It would be unacceptable to refuse to serve someone based on how they voted or what sports team they root for. Or what religious belief-system they follow. Or their nationality or sex.

  • @five2one have you read neverwhere? Your writing reminds me a little of that.

  • @Jear77 yes, I know what he says and I find it quite ridiculous. Triggers aren’t something that you “allow” as you wish them to happen upon you. That is absolutely ludicrous. A sign of mental health is when you are aware of the triggers and you know what to do to calm them. Using mindfulness techniques can help lessen the triggers power on you o…[Read more]

  • Found this on the inter webs and thought it was quite interesting! Many people seem to have the propensity for wishing things were normal or fit inside the box of how they think things should go or how people

    • I had typed out a longer response before but it got lost by the page reloading.
      There’s something to be said about being normal. Perfection is overrated, because not only can it not be achieved, everyone’s version of perfection is different. We don’t need the stress to try to be perfect.

    • Everyday I see a freak of nature: as I am 48, but appear as my early 30s.

      I am not aging, and I know it…

      For those close to me, it is harder to believe then those far away. But, they need to believe more then these.

      So, I search and find those who are my age, and find their pictures, and say, ‘this is my age, do I look like them’, and they know, “no”.

      I hold to modern mythologies, to speak to people. So, I embrace “Deadpool”. The guy everyone does not bet on. Yet, is immortal, of all the superheroes…

      Hahahaha… :-)

      You know me, too, but do not bet on me.

      But, I do not care, because I am Deadpool — my face is distorted above all others… my will is so unknown.

      Yet, I am immortal.

      So, what … the fuck… do I care….

    • Without some kind of “norms” there is no habitable order. Only chaos. And we cannot live in chaos for very long without burning out.

      Now the norms are probably broader than some might think. Statisticians measure them in SD, standard deviations. I’m going from memory here, but from the mean/median variable measured, 68% of points (people) measure out on both sides (34% “above average, and 34% below average. 2 SD’s picks up another 27% of the points (people). 13.5% way above average, 13.5% way below average. And then just 2.5% of points (people) coming in extremely above average and the same number extremely below average. (Whether in height, weight, length of arms, IQ, mental stability, quick reflexes, etc)

      A possible problem with the armed forces is that most of the skills that make someone a good fighter pilot are mental/psychological, not physical. So expecting a physical norm to correspond to a set of mental/psychological norms . . . was not very inspired. (But hey, they needed a solution I suppose!).

      There are averages and norms. If there were not, there would be no society, no civilization — perhaps no species?

      The drive “for normal” (a normative structure) relates to the very real need for our brains to not be on high-alert all the time, trying to figure out what chaotic variant we might be facing in this moment.
      The drive to “not be normal” (abnormal??!) is our individualism wanting to “jump out of the herd” (Pop Goes The World!).

      I don’t know if we have to “apsire” . . . to be what we are!

      But getting into some dangerous psychological/political territory here, people who are trait-liberal tend towards greater fascination with/desire to be “novel” — to NOT fit within boxes, boundaries and borders. They are valuable when facing “genuine” (I’ll say it again, “genuine”) variability in the environment (global, physical, social psychological).
      When this spins toxic it starts inventing and fabricating variables out of specious construct so their gifts have arena for exercise.

      People who are trait-conservative take comfort in the norms because in them there is stability. The pragmatism of the “tried and true”. When this spins toxic, things become dogmatic, rigid and ossified. And out of this can come stagnation and corruption.

      That is why both sides are needed to balance each other.

  • “If you call the cops again, you’ll be dead before they get here.”

    That was the last thing my ex husband said to me before I left him 12 years ago. This post isn’t about that, though.

    This post is about m

    • My wife and I are, unfortunately, legendary in our disagreements.

      This is largely only because our last life was so close to this one…

      She ended up dying from heroin, as did I….

      That last life was in the sixties. And, we were both famous. Though, I made her famous.

      She did not die as I did… it took her a few years.

      She remains dead, to this day, I try and wake her, but she does not want to do it.

      I can not contrast us with you, however.

      We made our getaway.

      We were in love… and while we both had other lovers, we only loved each other…

      We deserved this.

      We left behind a lot of money and fame… but my fame, our fame… was more then what people would think.

      Because, she was my… “companion”.

      But, the truth is, is she came from me, before even the angels. Indeed, I would have never had the angels, but because of her.

      We have many children.

      The most painful of our children, is Satan.

      I am not sure what you want us to say of that.

  • I would also like to add that there seems to be a new trend in our society of making fun of triggers, and I have even seen it on this site. trauma is real and happens across a wide spectrum. Help a survivor or leave them be, but don’t tell them they don’t have trauma or make fun of triggers.

  • I mostly agree with @yin. We are not too sensitive, and in fact, there is new evidence that shows the prevalence of trauma in the society has been scientifically proven to cause a host of other issues down the line. These ensuing issues actually cost the society money, so for those who are fiscally conservative, they might want to think about…[Read more]

  • @Jear77 well it Is good that you are at least to the point of being able to ask the question. I thought what was important to me ten years Ago would no longer be important now, but upon reflection I realize thats not true. It was important to me years ago to feel safe and that is still important to me today.

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