When I was in catholic school growing up, they called being single, being married or being a priest vocations.

I have discovered a great many truths about being in relationships, mostly what is healthy versus unhealthy in a relationship.

Bonus question: can a relationship be partially healthy?




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  1. ladybarbara 11 months ago

    When I am not in a relationship and I am really all alone in life, I tend to surround myself in friends. I am prone to asking friends to go to breakfast with me — just for the comfort of not eating alone. So, I pay for a lot of breakfasts. The one thing I miss about being alone is that I could eat Del Taco tacos everyday for dinner, and there was no one to tell me that living on tacos was weird and unhealthy. I hung around a few bars, even though I don’t drink alcohol. I enjoyed the company of the other bar patrons —- surrounding myself with fun friends.

    When I am in a relationship, I let the man lead in dictating how often we see one another. I follow his lead. If he only sees me twice a week, then the rest of the time I will be hanging out with friends. I seem to need company. A few boyfriends were clingy and insisted on seeing me every day. I adapted to that. But then there was one that decided to live in my living room recliner, watching football. When he told me that he was going to give up his apartment and live with me in my house …….. I was watering my lawn when he said this. I hosed him down and he ran into my house to get away from being squirted. I followed him around my house hitting him with water from the pressure nozzle. I had 50 feet of hose and that pressure nozzle to chase him out of my house, and out of my life. I wet all of my furniture in doing that. My female roommate helped me get all the water out of the carpets. I bought new furniture. It was well worth it to get rid of that boyfriend.

    Now, I knew from the first night we met that Immortal Pirate and I would get along. It took 6 years of 2 weeks with him and 2 weeks alone before we finally decided to live together and share the bills and living expenses. Living with him is just like living with another “me”. Being in this relationship is 7/24 together, but I have no need to have other friends. That may sound red-flagish, but he is the ideal companion. For the first time in my life I am contented to just live life with no “need” for more people around me. We have friends and we go to places that have friend groups that hang out there. I have found a happy balance. This relationship feels very healthy for both of us. Immortal Pirate once summed it up by saying that we fit together like a well worn pair of jeans, or old tennis shoes. Maybe that is not romantic enough for some, but it is totally right for me.

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      Scarlett 11 months ago

      @ladybarbara I am glad to hear you feel like the relationship is healthy. Part of being healthy is both people in the relationship getting their needs met, imho.

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  2. immortal_pirate 11 months ago

    In response to your bonus question: No. A relationship cannot be partially healthy. If you’re in a toxic relationship, it will NEVER be healthy for either of you. You can’t fix him/her, your own physical and mental health will always suffer. I have known so many women that thought that they could “fix” their broken partner. Every one of those relationships ended in failure. The truly sad part is that those same women went right back into the same sort of toxic relationships, because they had been conditioned, (by their own poor choices), to fall for the same toxicity that they just left. It is a vicious cycle to be trapped in.

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      Scarlett 11 months ago

      @immortal_pirate luckily for me I am not in a toxic relationship. I have been in some in the past, though. I am not sure what I think on the bonus question. I do believe that a relationship can go through an unhealthy period and then re-stabilize itself if one or. other people are committing to changing whatever it is that caused the unhealthy to begin with.

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  3. five2one 10 months ago

    Being single is lonely.

    You have more freedom, as you only have your own will to think of. But, you are alone.

    This pretty much answers the questions about being in a relationship.

    I have friends, as well, but only keep so many.

    I am married to ‘the City’. It has many names. But, this does not change the fact, that I have those closest to me.

    Relationships should be ‘healthy’, but they also should have ‘unhealthy’ aspects to them, depending on your definition.

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