was having this conversation the other day with my seven year old stepson. He has some behavioral issues at school that have to do with aggression. I told him he has to unlearn his responses to conflict. he said “how do you unlearn something?” I told him to practice not doing it over and over. What in your life do you need to unlearn? I have had to unlearn passive aggressive behaviors.




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  1. griz 1 week ago

    Boys as a group tend to have a natural assertiveness that can both lapse into aggression, AND be mistaken for aggression in those that buy into toxic masculinity ideology.

    Behaviors are a lot like addictions. Serotonin in our brains plays a big part in psychologically rewarding behaviors used successfully over time to satisfy basic needs. Such rewarded sub-personalities within us never truly go away

    Children respond well to the idea of minions. A minion arises to deal with a specific issue. If the issue is resolved to some satisfaction, that minion grows bigger and gets a promotion. Give that minion a name like anger aggression or violence so they can better understand it. And with promotion, that minion starts exercising Its personality over more and more situations in life.

    That minion never goes away; especially if it’s been endorsed through the formative years aged 2-4.

    Rather than “unlearn”, one demotes the behavior or minion; putting another minion in charge of that kind of interaction.

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      Scarlett 1 week ago

      @griz well, lets see, this boy got kicked out of first grade for stabbing other kids with pencils. He is the second six year old I’ve known in my life to be expelled from a school at such a young age. So I think, yes, this child has a problem with aggression.

      yes, I agree that behaviors are a lot like addictions. Pretty much everything is an addiction.

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      • griz 6 days ago

        @Scarlett
        And I wonder what gives a child so young such “a problem”.

        I’ve never been a big fan of the hell-child meme. Most times it comes back to bad parenting in the formative years — and far too often, to a single-parent situation.

        Almost anything can become an addiction. It’s why we need to pay heed to the things we nurture habits of pleasuring in. We build our own addictions from the ground up.

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  2. immortal_pirate 1 week ago

    Psychological castration is not the answer. Suppressing your step sons aggressive behavior will only kick the can down the road and the aggression will rear it’s ugly head later in life, with potentially more dramatic and dangerous effects. He’s acting out because of something that has happened to him in his past.

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      Scarlett 1 week ago

      @immortal_pirate yes to he is acting out because of something that happened in the past. this child has had a psychological evaluation, and yes I do think we need to get him to stop stabbing other children with pencils.

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  3. five2one 1 week ago

    Manage at the heart level. Thoughts come up that control behaviors. You have to reject the bad ones.

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