have to admit sometimes this site is my way of getting out of my own brain. thank you for giving me something else to think about.

when things are tough, what gets you out of your own brain for a while?




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  1. Author
    BelleMadre 2 months ago

    to answer my own question, friends are who is there for each other, to talk and rant and support and laugh and cry and distract. and i dont want to think where id be without my sister circle.

    but sometimes i need a break from my stuff. i need to get out of my bubble for a while. decades ago i would have just gone to whatever bar had live music, and let that and many many (many) pints distract me.

    now a days i turn on music, sing myself out of my head for a while. or go for a quick walk. or visit soulsequel to check in and remember to think about other things. i feel like im missing something lately. probably yoga class. o for the time! mostly i just go to work and focus on all that awaits me there.

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  2. Yin 2 months ago

    Video games, which is probably why I have been playing them all of my life and probably way more than I should. Music is another. Don’t have many options on ranting to certain people, so I usually just say what I need to to myself, lol. Superhero shows, comedies, and wrestling shows. Humor and the worlds of hero vs. villain just suck me in, man.

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    • Author
      BelleMadre 2 months ago

      @Yin i can understand that. i dont play them much, they stress me out, but i get it. im curious about gaming, does it actually feel fun or is it more the challenge and is it stressful? my son gets easily frustrated, so his time gaming is limited right now. when he is older, i wonder if it will be easier, or at least if he will be able to deal with that frustration differently.

      im all for the hero shows and movies too. i have so many to work through still though.

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      • Yin 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre Ah, yes, the frustration. There was a lot of that for me at one point in particular. The thing that got me was two friends I was playing with a lot. They let it get to them and they would get so mad. I ended up learning or “catching that bug..” I can get frustrated still, but I usually sit quietly when it starts to happen. I stop playing if I’m not with friends, but I will continue for them if I am. Over the years, I went from a hardcore multiplayer person of where I loved going against people, to more casual multiplayer, and then to loving single player story driven games the most. Co-op games and gametypes are also very nice. I still play the competitive stuff, but I’m not as into it anymore. I just really love a good story being told, and it is nice that it is longer than a movie. I am also more invested in the characters since I am one of them and am doing things to alter the world they’re in. As for multiplayer, I like hanging out with friends. We can goof off while messing around in a game.

        I can see where it is stressful. I never really paid attention to it, but I think that there is a bit of stress in competitive games if it is close. I hate games where there is an objective, like to capture the enemy flag or to capture three points on the map/level. That stresses me out more than anything. I do think that some of that is part of the fun. It is a stressful situation that you can overcome. If you don’t, no actual harm done. Also, it is nice that a stress from a game can take the place of stress of real life, if that makes sense at all. Overall, I like small challenges. I don’t like needing to have to try very hard. Just give me a few roadblocks while telling me a story. Bigger challenges get me more frustrated and bored.

        Yea, there are quite a few out there right now. I watch the Netflix Marvel stuff (Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, The Defenders, and will watch The Punisher when I get my internet situation figured out.) I also watch the CW stuff (Arrow, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow, Supergirl, and will be watching Black Lightning when it comes out.) There are others though, like Agents of Shield and like two or three X-Men related ones that I can’t remember the name of. I don’t watch all of those. They are coming out with Teen Titans, but I’m not sure if I should care about it or not, lol. It is kind of nerd heaven with all of these comic book shows. Well, would be if politics wasn’t so crazy. Kind of hard to ignore.

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @Yin i think as he matures he will be able to handle the frustration better. thats life i guess. and he does play on more with friends. they help each other out. or boss each other around more like :D
        he was really into mine craft story mode but i think got over saturated with it. and i have limited what kinds of games i want in my living room. no realistic guns just yet thanks. i mean, he is only 10!

        ive watched most of the shows you mentioned but a few i lost interest in. so im back onto a few other kinds of shows, and ill go back in later. i didnt watch iron fist. he kind of irritated me. prolly cause im a 41 year old woman apparently. but i def watch most of those. kiddo is Pumped about Teen Titans, and i admit i really love going to see all the marvel movies with him. we missed out on thor in theatre cause finances right now but we will get impatient and rent them on play station at some point anyway. holding out for a few over the holidays movies, for when i have a day off. star wars Of Course.

        cant help it. love it!

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      • Yin 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre I loved the Teen Titans cartoon they had on. I’m just concerned with the live-action show. I think it is also a show that is 30 minutes long an episode, which I am used to an hour, lol. It is hard for me to see how they can tell enough story in 30, but we will see. You know what channel it will be on? I forgot and I searched the other day and just couldn’t find it. Ok, well, just looked it up again and apparently it was going to be on TNT but that was scrapped and they are apparently putting it on a new DC streaming service thing along with the next season of the Young Justice cartoon. Yea, I missed out on Thor too. Justice League on top of that. Not ok. I need them. I need them all. Avengers Infinity War looks awesome. Black Panther looks amazing. We got The Flash movie coming up at some point. It is kind of crazy how typical nerd stuff blew up and got popular the last ten years or so. Psych: The Movie came on the other day. Man… I missed that show so much. The movie was a little odd, but I loved it. Not sure if you were ever into it, but it came to mind since it came out somewhat near Christmas. It was my Christmas movie, lol. The new Star Wars doesn’t look bad at all though. I just don’t know enough about that world to be invested though. Maybe one day I’ll go through them. I think I watched two of the prequel movies, the one with Darth Maul and the one where Anakin gets burned in lava.

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @Yin we just have netflix and youtube going right now. so he will have to wait for that, or until i can figure out how to stream stuff without having to reset my computer due to malwares :D

        im not sure if i had a daughter, id probably make her come see these things with me anyway. but its fun having a son who is really in to these things. cause i love these movies! they arent really gender specific anyway, so im not sure why i said that. i just dread the days when i baby sit my friends daughter and she wants to watch mermaid shows hahaha ooono. i think it started for me with the batman movies. we probably burned out our vhs copies of batman and batman returns. i didnt see starwars until i was maybe 18 but i made up for it. i dont think i really cared about going to movies until they started playing the original star wars reboots in theatre before the newer ones started coming out. and around the matrix and then i started realizing how cool certain movies were on bigger screens. we will definitely be seeing Black Panther in theater. ill manage to have a couple of days off over christmas break so we will do that one day. gotta see that stuff on big! this influx in popularity for super hero movies is pretty awesome! and its right on time for his age too. and i always have a movie date right?!

        i just looked it up and i think some how i never saw Psych and this is a shame! i will now go see if its on netflix. it looks really good!

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      • Yin 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre I remember me having the Batman movie that just had the Batman logo on the VHS box. I apparently watched it a lot, but I don’t remember the movie at all. Just Jack Nicholson played the Joker. I was all about Batman & Robin and Batman Forever (shout out to Kiss from a Rose.) Was weird that Robin was a grown man like that, but whatever lol. Was odd seeing that man in NCIS: Los Angeles the first time. Also had gotten many Batman toys as gifts. The glow in the dark Batman toy made zero sense considering it defeats the purpose of Batman, but I was pumped about it. It’d make more sense if it was from the Injustice story where Batman fights Superman with a kryptonite suit, but whatevs. Had a Batman game on the Super Nintendo. Was very hard, but games back then usually were (because of my age and just because that was what games were then. All difficulty, very little story.) I was so into Power Rangers. Original Black Ranger was my fav. Gold Zeo Ranger had the best suit though. My god… So good. Had a Spider-Man game on PS1. Yea. I loved that stuff right out of the gate basically.

        My aunt taped Star Wars: Episode 1 for me to watch. Darth Maul my dude, but I just couldn’t really get into it. I have played some Star Wars games that were pretty fun (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 1 and 2.) I liked the idea of it, but the story just never captured me. Highly unfortunate. The newest one looks pretty awesome though. I don’t know much of the story up to this, aside from spoilers from the last movie, but I’d probably watch it if someone wanted to take me, lol. Wish I had people who were that into super hero movies. I go to some here and there with people, but it is just because I push the idea for it. No one really cares other than me. Doesn’t help that there are a ton of them coming out, but still, lol. I’d be all all of them. Well, a week late so the number of people dies down. Can’t wait for The Rock to enter the DC Universe as Black Adam. Going to be sick. Well, should be. No idea with the way the DC movies have gone so far.

        That’s unfortunate, because I think they took Psych off of Netflix like only a month ago. It was one of my all-time favorite shows. It was similar to Monk, comedy with solving crimes. I wanted so bad a crossover of the two, even if just a cameo.

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  3. luftballooneyegouge 2 months ago

    Pandora: Allan Sherman channel
    TV Shows:(right now)Beverly Hillbillies, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

    These will take me away from feeling the dread.

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    • Author
      BelleMadre 2 months ago

      @luftballooneyegouge its good you have something to turn to. dread can be dreadful

      i think the reason i dont like to watch shows that make me feel stress or dread is because i am trying to avoid that. so i get really into clever foolery

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  4. spitfire3dc 2 months ago

    I think the thing that helps me the most is focusing on a task.

    The tasks themselves can be anything from cutting the lawn, washing the car or hiking a trail. Anything that requires a physical focus coupled with an end goal accomplished.

    When it involves something I do on a regular basis, I tend to follow patterns which becomes a part of the concentrated effort. It relaxes me. No decisions other than watching what I am doing and forward momentum.

    At the end of it, hopefully I experience a sense of satisfaction and I think that helps me understand that the more complicated issues that I have to contend with, will be solvable with steady progression towards an end goal.

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  5. Scarlett 2 months ago

    I was just thinking about this. I think the awareness place gets me out. I can pick and choose when I visit it now, mostly.

    I also think getting out of my own head and focusing on the problems of others gets me out of it

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    • Author
      BelleMadre 2 months ago

      @Scarlett i am with you. i think i was writing to you at some point before about the centre i went to yoga for, the minute i walked in the door i felt a positive feeling. because i was Letting Go. i couldnt do anything else when i got there, except what i was there to do. that was very freeing and calming.

      i can shift easily between work and home life right now. both are kind of stressful, both are kind of a lot of work. but i can only handle so much at a time, so i shift.

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  6. ladybarbara 2 months ago

    I like going to the grocery store, but not with Immortal Pirate. The grocery store experience with Immortal Pirate is a mad rush, running through the store grabbing the usual stuff and not thinking about meal planning. I have to think fast and grab something to throw in the basket as he whizzes by it at a fast clip. No,no,no,no,no! I like to go to the grocery store and plan meals around my coupon items. I like to read labels and compare items. I like to stroll at my leisure and contemplate what we need and buy all the ingredients of whatever cooking project I would like to do. I cannot get through to Immortal Pirate that grocery shopping takes thought and planning. He thinks it is buying what you want within the next few hours —- and not planning for the week —- get in, grab things, get through the check out, and start eating in the truck on the way home. That kind of speed shopping gives me a headache. What gets me out of my bubble is the slow and thought-out shopping trip.

    The other thing that gets me out of my bubble is going to Baha’i Feast and gatherings. I have to force myself and I drag myself out to my car with dread about going. I drive there wishing I could go back home. I arrive to see the same people, the same baby kids running around the room screaming and pulling things over while we are saying prayers. The same “social” gathering afterwards with the baby kids walking around and taking food off of everyone’s plate with their sticky hands. Nothing turns my stomach and makes me gag faster than a sticky baby grabbing food from my plate. Enough of the out-of-the-bubble. I want to go home. My blood pressure gets so high that I leave the gathering and drive to the grocery store to do a little quiet shopping and calm down before going home. I want to come back to my bubble in a calm mood. There are 19 days between these Baha’i Feast gatherings. 19 days is not enough time to miss the Baha’is enough to want to go back there again. However, it is getting me out of my happy “bubble” home life and giving me an appreciation for home-sweet-home.

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    • Author
      BelleMadre 2 months ago

      @ladybarbara yes to the grocery store! i prefer to do my shopping alone. i dont Girlfriend Shop. i might enjoy pointing out a few cool things i see on a wrack, but i dont go shopping with friends. no thanks! and i do love to shop but i like to do it in my own way. freely. i take my son with me to the store sometimes of course, but that is so stressful. because i want to just do and shop and read and think. instead of managing and watching and while i do get him to help and he likes that, i prefer to shop in solo.

      i forced us to go to a work holiday celebration and while i was anxious and tired and tempted to not, we went and it was super fun. the laser tag helped :D sometimes we have to force ourselves but the part that is doing that must know its something we need?!

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      • ladybarbara 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre It’s nice to know that my grocery shopping isn’t considered “nuts” and you do it, too. It is calming when done alone.

        I like getting out to real celebrations with Immortal Pirate. However, Baha’i prayer meetings will never be “spiritual” to me, or enjoyable. I guess they can pull this duck’s neck all they want and they still won’t make me into a swan.

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @ladybarbara i like your self awareness

        sometimes i get excited if i have decided to go to this other grocery store that sells strange fruit and cool teas and stuff. i might be going for 3 things but i have been known to wander the aisles staring and taking it in like an art show :D that might be extreme and only happens once in a while when i want really good bok choy. i wish i knew what to do with the 17 kinds of mushrooms they sell :D

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  7. immortal_pirate 2 months ago

    Sleep…a nice nap. I’ll just close my eyes and check my eyelids for holes…lol

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-DmAh0dObI

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  8. Gina 2 months ago

    I am not sure what my bubble is, and if I actually live in one.

    Katy Perry sang a song about living in a bubble, Chained to the Rhythm.

    (If I could answer all questions with a song, my life would be easier.)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um7pMggPnug

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  9. griz 2 months ago

    Fellowship with another person: friend family or stranger.

    Because to do it properly, you have to pay attention to something other than just your own thoughts feelings and urges.

    And it happens best, face to face. Because even on the telephone you cannot tell if someone is participating or is a million miles away in their own mind.

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    • Author
      BelleMadre 2 months ago

      @griz yes to face to face! so much more meaningful.
      i do welcome phone calls or skyping from certain sister/friend, but in person allows for better listening for sure

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      • griz 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre
        “Remote contact” still serves a purpose.

        But as a society we are becoming too “remote” from each other — living in our own subjective bubbles, in rapid retreat from one another, accepting a pale counterfeit of “remote fellowship” that comes totally on our terms . . . as our main way of “participating”.

        (At lest until some comment might threaten to pop our bubble and we “block” or “unfriend” the author!)

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz things really have changed/turned around. i used to always want to be around people and then id have to take a couple of days of almost entire silence just to recharge. nwo its more abotu balance. of course i am around people all day. i work in a massive building full of people functioning as a team, serving other people. so when i get home i want silence. or simplicity. i want to talk to the people far away. who i dont have to see to be honest with :D i joke but its true sometimes. with out remote contact id be so isolated some times, even though im surrounded by faces all day. i have been working to force myself to open up to people in my daily in person life and it is harder than opening up to people who live on different continents. safety and risk and all that. but there is something different about opening up in person, that human interaction. i am blessed to have the steady and constant friendship of people who live far away, we are free to be as open as we need to be. but we dont get to hug it out after :D now i just stare at my phone until it goes to voice mail, wait for the message and then decide if im going to respond. but im trying.

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      • griz 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre
        We are a people starved for love and attention. When people find someone who will “open up” (the defenses?) They often try to take not just what is offered but keep trying to take and take.
        I think this is why we feel the need to get away and recharge: to recreate.

        I found that the spiritual path I’m on helps me hang out around people longer, listening and giving even beyond what I may think I’m capable of. I said something a while back on the group about being the conduit rather than the rechargeable battery.

        But it certainly is a process, and not a sudden happening! And I still treasure my times of silence and aloneness.

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz that over eagerness is why i have had a hard time dating in the past. i like time with someone but i also need time to myself. but the other wanted More of me and i got less me time. it became frustrating for him and stressful for me. clearly we werent suited, he needed someone who needed more and fast, and i needed someone who respected my need for space etc. friendships will do :)

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      • griz 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre
        I think we “get addicted” to the very good feelings that come our way when someone else is focusing on us that intensely.
        It’s “intoxicating”. And people are so starved for feeling good about themselves/in themselves . . . that they over-indulge and smother the process.

        They want to “own” the source of those good feelings-for-self . . . 24/7

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz thing is i freak out if someone wants to get too close too fast. and then i retreat. which might mean i wasnt ready, or we werent right for each other. im set in my ways and my ways involve some more personal space and time than this person was content with.

        some people would give anything to have someone attentive 24/7 but its not my jam. and you are right, its like chasing an intoxication but it becomes oversaturation. i cant have it. i hope this individual finds peace and happiness that he deserves. and im ok

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      • griz 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre
        A lot of “olde tyme” couples I’ve known over the year have what could be described as “a romantic friendship” — with wonderful intimate moments, but also a respecting of each other’s space and alone-time.

        But more and more I see a process in relationships that is akin to trying to tell a starving person to share what they have before them with someone else.

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz i havent given up on the thought of a ‘love life’ but right now i truly dont have time for that. will i regret this later? dunno. maybe maybe not. maybe the right person is working their way to my right time too

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      • griz 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre
        I wonder if too much in society, “love” is and can only be . . . “another person”?

        Something outside of and beyond us, that “comes to us”
        (Spiritually, absolutely. But physically? True love is boundless, but even the best of us on our own, only have a few tokens (credits?) of it to bandy about).

        Rather than living a lifestyle of chosing to love and care for others as we’re able, in the various roles we find ourselves in (parent, child, friend, acquaintance, neighbor, co-worker . . . and for the strong and daring — random stranger we meet).

        ((Remembering that this doesn’t have to (nor in many cases should it) translate into sexual licentiousness or making ourselves vulnerable/naive to the predations of the love-starved.))

        One can be living a life of love, even if there currently isn’t a “romantic love” interest in their life.

        (And recognizing that the former can often lead to the latter — but the latter doesn’t necessarily lead to the former! There are a lot of “romantic love” processes going on all over the place out there, that are more about just loving oneself and the servicing of our own needs.)

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz this is something i miss now i dont have my Fellowship services to go to. i miss the sort of love of life spirit i had going. i feel it sometimes. a positive outlook. but its not always present. i guess it is easier to call up when inspired by people, for me anyway. but you are on to something here. we can have love in our hearts all the time not just when we are ‘attached’ .
        i need to rejuvenate that part of my life. (body mind spirit/heart – all in balance, now wouldnt that be something!

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz i enjoy seeing the budding friendships between seniors at work. people who have only met in the past couple of months but have become friends. because they are alone now, and either not used to it, or happy not to be. they spend time together in the dining room. have sort of paired off even though they arent couples. they help each other choose meals, pour each others cream or hand each other sugar. little efforts. look after each other. walk to the elevators together. check in on each other. talk about their lives. or about weekly programs. it warms my heart. they arent falling in love. but they are connecting. i see that. and i see that there is always hope, and chance. and meaning. friendship with meaning… you know?

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      • griz 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre
        Yet who can say when that line between such a friendship and true love is crossed?

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz that might be the best kind of transition

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      • griz 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre
        Sometimes it’s best to let something grow organically, rather than try to force it with all kinds of artificial fertilizer!

        (Sometimes one doesn’t need all the crap!) :rolf:

        BTW, some good observations about your not having fellowship services to go to, and being motivated/inspired by people of like spirit.
        I’m a big proponent of this face-to-face process.

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz at this point i think the only way i would get involved romantically is if it grew out of a connection. that sounds Right to me. i spent too many years rushing into things i oughtn’t to have rushed in to. “take your time and do it right” …

        i do miss fellowship. mine in particular. and the idea in general. maybe i should try a couple out in the new year, find one i like. if i manage to have a morning off ever :D
        i felt i Was starting to get that from my yoga classes, until i was officially full time that is. i was going three mornings a week, 9am classes. we didnt talk much but there was a connection. i miss that. now im like Well, 1 day off, 4 on, 2 off, etc… its not really conducive with a lot of going out and doing things. down time is valuable. but human connection is valuable too. im not isolated. we get out. do things with like minded friends. family oriented events are easy to come by this season. even if my son is so over santa, we will enjoy the parade with friends with younger children. but there could be more. special spiritual purpose. i do miss sharing that.

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      • griz 2 months ago

        @BelleMadre
        Such special spiritual fellowships can be hard to find. But they’re out there.

        And your son might benefit from it too.

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      • Author
        BelleMadre 2 months ago

        @griz i agree!

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