This stems from an earlier convo. How were you punished as a child and have you received any punishments later in life? what would you say is the most effective punishment you ever received?




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  1. Yin 5 months ago

    Mostly just people saying what I should and shouldn’t do and I listened. I was spanked once for not making my mind up and kept saying I wanted to go/I wanted to stay many times. It was going to the store with my mom and be miserable or stay and be terrorized by my brother. Tough choice so she made it. Was only a one time thing due to that rare situation. Got video game privileges taken away when I was older for school stuff. Not sure if it was really effective. I mean, I would either do my homework or lie about having it, regardless. Not sure if anything was actually effective. I just listened more than the average kid or just never had the urge to do the things normal kids did/do.

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      Scarlett2 5 months ago

      @Yin same here. It makes me wonder if a lot of it has to do with a child’s overall personality rather than the punishment itself. Or maybe a person’s ability to learn from consequences?

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  2. griz 5 months ago

    Effective discipline is a process: and the most effective and arguably kindest process is to start early with “the least necessary force”, but recognizing that sufficient force is needed to not just stop the behavior in it’s tracks, but to instill the idea that opposition is not an option. And I was both exploratory and willful enough that this often meant a spanking. And despite pop-thought on this one can easily argue that one effective discipline (risking going overboard) is far preferable to multiple ineffective disciplines (risking not going far enough) with behaviors that there is no way they are going to turn out well for the child over time. People crying that it’s “cruel”, are substituting their feelings in the short-term, for the child’s well-being in the long term.

    An effective groundwork in this laid by no later than say age 5, means that effective discipline can become less and less forceful as the “lesson of lessons” has started on a good foundation.

    Now I was subjected to ongoing physical parental abuse masquerading as “discipline” long after this and have to rely on clinical and scientific understanding rather than personal experience — which is part of why I now study it.
    But once my reasoning abilities started to grow the most effective discipline I can remember is when I broke a neighbor’s window with a golf ball. We were dirt poor and just throwing money at the problem (mine or the family’s) wasn’t an option. So my dad marched me over there (I was trying to hide from consequences) and had me take responsibility for it and agree to do chores for the elderly couple until the debt was paid.
    Now they were a “scary” couple — isolated, snarly, known not to like kids (and possible eat them!). And the first few weekends were scary — though I’m sure now that most of that was in our collective imaginations (us imagining the worst of each other). But as time progressed, and we started seeing the others as they actually were, it became less “punishment”. It changed to “obligation” and “duty” and then as they grew even kinder, even something I looked forward to.
    And it was a sad day when it was announced the window had been paid for. We had no more excuse to continue the relationship. So we just did anyways and I continued to help them with chores that were far easier for a young person than for them. And they rewarded me and our family for them.

    And then this became “effective discipline” in how owning my mistakes and even intentional trespasses, could so very often work out for the best in the long run.

    The problem with not instantiating this process soon enough or forcefully enough when necessary, is that people are arriving at their teen and adult years without proper respect for those in society around them, and for authority when it’s use become necessary. This is where parents going too soft on their children for the sake of their own short-term feelings . . . has to be paid and paid and re-paid by their children with interest. It’s paid by their children, and by society.

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  3. Jear77 5 months ago

    I was grounded growing up. In the burbs it works better than it probably would have had we lived in Chicago.

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  4. ladybarbara 5 months ago

    I had a beloved bicycle as a kid. With my bike I could cycle with the flock of kids in my neighborhood. I was in the “in crowd” and one of the gang. It represented freedom and belonging. Then, one day a teacher took me out in back of the school for not doing well in class. She beat me in the face with a ruler and left cuts and welts. I was abused as a kid and had taken some brutal beatings from my Mom, but being hit across the face with a ruler by a teacher, broke my life. Mom could beat me, but NOT a teacher.
    My reaction was to jump on my beloved bike — that thing that gave me freedom — and speed out of town. I rode my bike up into the Los Angeles hills. When night came, I got cold and realized I could not live in the hills alone. I went to the police and told them the cuts on my face were from a teacher beating me with a ruler. I said that I had run away, but I didn’t want to run away from my “Mom”. They called my Mom and she came to pick me up and drive me home —- but NOT my bike. My bike was left at the police station and I never got to see it again.
    The next day, Mom went to the school and dealt with the teacher. I was brought into the office to show my face to the Principal. The teacher was fired!
    But what about me??? I had ran away. I did not get my bike back. I had lost my freedom. I could no longer ride with the other kids. I was out of the pack. My social life was dead. I had to walk everywhere. I threw a screaming fit when I realized that my standing in the neighborhood was effected by not having a bike. Mom reacted by beating me.
    Again, I decided to run away. I packed a sandwich and a change of underpants in a handkerchief. I attached it to a stick to carry it on my shoulder. I set off on foot for an adventure to become a hobo. I headed across the city to the train yards. I was going to hop a train and be a hobo.

    Lucky for me the owner of the roller rink saw me trying to get in a box car of the train. I was only 11 years old. He made me join him for lunch and a long talk about what I was doing with my life. I learned more about life from him, more than any beating could ever teach me. He knew that raising me was a financial burden on my Mom. He knew that she had been raising me because I was her sister’s baby. Now, I was causing her trouble and grief with my running away and rebellion. He gave me my first job. He hired me to do whatever I could do to help him run the roller rink. I could clean bathrooms, scrub walls, clean floors, and I was good at skate repair. I found out in later years that the pay he paid me was the same as he would pay an adult. I was able to pay for everything I wanted, except I was not allowed to buy a new bike. The bike privilege was removed from my life — until I became 18. I worked at the roller rink every day and night for 7 years. I still did my home chores and kept up with my school work. I became popular with the same crowd of neighborhood kids because of working at the roller rink. They came to me. I learned the biggest lesson of my life. I had to work for a living and own my own life.

    By the time I had left home at 18 and bought my own bike, it no longer mattered and I was ready for learning to drive a car.

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  5. five2one 5 months ago

    I really did not do any wrong as a child, so did not receive any punishments.

    My parents are angels, and not human beings, either…

    I have definitely, however, had adversity. As the world, and the god of this world is evil.

    I could tell you that I am evil, and have had evil thoughts, but ultimately, I would be lying, if I did so.

    Still, I have understood evil, and thought and done what I consider to be evil.

    But, I did so, to understand evil. So, I am not sure what to say. I do understand evil, and there is evil I have thought and done, which I do not any longer think and do.

    My conclusion is evil is ignorance, and small thoughts.

    At its’ worst, it is only made great by the punishment it receives.

    If you really wish to know Hell and the Abyss, I know her depths.

    I believe, only Satan and my own self know these matters… and I do not believe – I know for a fact, in fact – Satan does not yet understand, but will…

    These are not things that mortal flesh should understand.

    But, mortal flesh can understand, that their own soul might be emptied, and entirely forfeited.

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